How to Overcome Multi-Role Conflict in Business Families

In my work as a specialist family business psychotherapist, I have repeatedly witnessed multi-role conflict and its harmful effects on business families.

In this article, I explore the psychological conditions that create multi-role conflict, and the types of interventions that can help business families achieve both functional governance and enduring relationships.

The Dual Relationship

In healthcare, there is a well-established concept called the dual relationship; this occurs when two people hold more than one role with each other at the same time. A clear example would be a therapist dating their client or going into business with them.

The dual relationship is strongly discouraged in clinical practice because it blurs boundaries, confuses communication, and makes it hard for both parties to know which role is governing their interaction at any moment. These impacts are especially strong when there is a power imbalance.

In a similar way, business families enter a "dual relationship" dynamic the moment they begin to work and own together. This is due to the family business structure forcing its members to occupy two or more of the following roles at the same time:

• Family Member
• Business Colleague / Manager
• Shareholder / Owner

On paper, these roles are distinct—but in the nervous system, they are not.

When left unaddressed, multi-role conflict gradually erodes relationships, reduces collaboration, and damages decision-making.

Why Multi-Role Conflict Hurts So Much

In my article on meaning-making, I wrote about how disrupted meaning-making can turn ordinary disagreements into survival events.

In most workplaces, a tough performance review might trigger fear, sadness, or shame—but you still get to experience distance. Despite your working relationship, that reviewer knows only a small part of who you really are.

In a business family, the person who reviews your performance is also the parent, sibling, or relative who has known you since you were a baby—the one who disciplined you, compared you to your siblings, or embarrassed you in front of your friends.

So when Dad says, “You’re not ready to be GM,” you might hear “You’re still not good enough.” Your nervous system reacts to the whole history, not just the current conversation.

Therefore, multi-role conflict is not just messy governance—it is compressed history.

The Interventions

So the question becomes: how can a family business reduce multi-role conflict without changing the family structure?

By rewiring how each family member shows up in each role.

What follows are examples of how I work as a family business psychotherapist. These approaches draw on established clinical models such as Emotion-Focused Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy.

Please note: these are simplified illustrations of my clinical work and should only be undertaken with the guidance of a trained psychotherapist. Nonetheless, they offer a useful map of what is happening emotionally beneath the surface of strategy, governance, and succession work.

For Individual Family Business Leaders

When working with an individual family member, I often focus on the three active roles inside my client's nervous system: Business Leader, Owner / Shareholder, and Family Member.

During this process, I set up three chairs to represent each role:

• Chair A1: Business Leader
• Chair A2: Owner / Shareholder
• Chair A3: Family Member

The fourth chair (Chair B) represents my client's "key figure"; that is, the family business member with whom they are experiencing conflict. Chair B sits across from the three chairs.

In Chair A1, I interview my client as the Business Leader. I ask questions that demonstrate how anger, fear, sadness, shame, and joy show up inside that one role:

• “As Business Leader, what angers you here?”
• “What do you fear might happen?”
• “What sadness or shame is sitting underneath?”
• “Is there any joy, or gratitude, still alive in this working relationship?”

Then my client moves to Chair B and embodies the key figure. It can feel daunting at first, but with guidance most clients access the other person’s perspective with surprising clarity. This helps my client experience the impact of their words and behaviours on the other.

We then repeat the same approach for Chair A2 (Owner / Shareholder) and Chair A3 (Family Member), each time returning to Chair B to express the impact. By the end, my individual client can see:

• How each role carries its own emotions and cognitive templates;
• How overwhelming it is when all three roles speak at once;
• What it feels like when each role speaks more clearly and cleanly; and
• How their roles impact the other person in the room.

For Family Business Dyads

Family business conflict is rarely random. In most cases it is patterned.

In the room, I track the sequence of the dyad's patterns in real time. Then I name them out loud, while they are happening:

• “Have you noticed that you both start in a CEO-and-CFO conversation, and then slide into Dad-and-Son the moment the topic of expanding to new markets comes up?”
• “Midway through your statement to Joe, it felt as if you spoke to him as his little sister, rather than his business colleague. What happened in that moment?”

Once the pattern is visible, I help my dyad break it by rescripting it:

• We pause at the exact moment one of the parties switches roles. I then ask, “What emotion or thought came up just before that shift?”
• Once they can identify the trigger, I explore whether this interruption reflects a familiar pattern for them.
• Next, I invite them to rescript the moment by speaking again from their original role. If the same interrupting emotion or thought reappears, they name it explicitly: “I’m noticing a sense of shame coming up right now.”
• From there, we draw on a core value that supports them in continuing to speak from the intended role despite the discomfort: “I feel shame, but honesty matters to me, so I’m going to keep speaking as Chair.”
• To consolidate the change, I often invite a simple physical gesture—such as leaning in or stepping closer—to help embed the new behaviour in the body, not just the conversation.

This is the beginning of pattern change: once the catalyst is named in real time, the nervous system has more choice, because the switch is no longer automatic.

For Business Families

At the whole-family level, I often draw on Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT).

Rather than analysing every historical injury, I invite the family to imagine specific “miracle signs” of what it would look like if multi-role conflict was resolved:

“Suppose that overnight, a miracle happened, and this role confusion was resolved. Tomorrow, in your next board meeting, what would be the smallest behavioural signs that things had changed for the better?”

Examples:

• Family Member #1: "My mum often switches from chair to owner to mum, which confuses us. It would be a miracle to me, if at the start of a tough or awkward business conversation, Mum said, ‘Right now I’m speaking as Chair only’ so everyone knows which hat she is wearing.”
• Family Member #2: “I do bring up role boundary violations during meetings but I am often ignored or dismissed. It would be a miracle if I could mention that a role boundary had been crossed during our meeting, and my family business members paused, reflected on what I said, and considered the role violation with professional curiosity.”

Each member of the business family creates an initial list of 2-3 miracle behaviours they would like to see from the other family members. The list is finalised once the other family members agree that the miracle is both feasible and aligns with their core values.

Then I invite each member to practise their miracle sign in the room, so the new behaviour is embodied—not just agreed.

This process gives each family member a clear blueprint for how they can change their patterns in line with their values, create deeper relationships, and help the family business thrive.

I hope you find this helpful.

References

• Ashforth, B. E., Kreiner, G. E., & Fugate, M. (2000). All in a day’s work: Boundaries and micro role transitions. Academy of Management Review, 25(3), 472–491. https://doi.org/10.5465/amr.2000.3363315
• Cooper, J. T., Kidwell, R. E., & Eddleston, K. A. (2013). Boss and parent, employee and child: Work–family roles and deviant behavior in the family firm. Family Relations, 62(3), 457–471. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12012
• Randerson, K., & Radu-Lefebvre, M. (2021). Managing ambivalent emotions in family businesses: Governance mechanisms for the family, business, and ownership systems. Entrepreneurship Research Journal, 11(3), 159–176. https://doi.org/10.1515/erj-2020-0274
• Sundaramurthy, C., & Kreiner, G. E. (2008). Governing by managing identity boundaries: The case of family businesses. Entrepreneurship Theory and Practice, 32(3), 415–436. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1540-6520.2008.00234.x
• Tagiuri, R., & Davis, J. (1996). Bivalent attributes of the family firm. Family Business Review, 9(2), 199–208. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-6248.1996.00199.x

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